13 Confessions

1. I want to be able to read Shakespeare and just really get it. You know? I want to be able to read it and just drink it in, instead of struggling through it. I read Act One of Hamlet tonight, and I'd like to say it was easy, but it was worth it.

2. I want to stop being so squirmy, and just be happy in my own skin.

3. I want to use facebook rarely, because for all of its benefits, I am looking at people more in terms of information, and less as people and friends.

4. I want to become comfortable with the fact that I'll never be the best at anything.

5. I wish I loved people. But mostly, I just see everyone as an inconvenience.

6. I'm afraid to talk to strangers or make small talk with anyone.

7. I'm afraid that I'd be an awful pastor, because I never know what to say to people.

8. I don't know how to pray.

9. I am ashamed because I deliver furniture for a living.

10. I thought at this point in my life, I'd have a career.

11. I call myself a philosopher/theologian, but I wince every time because I really believe that I am a terrible philosopher, and I know so many theologians who do what they do much better than me, I often wonder why I would bother trying to be a part of anything. I am constantly tempted to become nothing more than an observer.

12. I wish this list wasn't so sad, and I know I could write a bunch of positive things, but this list is a list of confessions, and so I will give one confession that offsets all of these other things.

13. My union with Christ, which I have by faith, is my guarantee that it doesn't matter if I'm a faker, a tool, a bad pastor, a bad small talker, careerless, prayerless, ashamed, squirmy, or a second rate philosopher/theologian. Without Jesus, all the things on this list would be true, AND the sins/flaws would all be mine to bear. I am so glad that the Gospel means I can be a loser deep down.